So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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