I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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