his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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