I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
