Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
