One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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