She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
