nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
