Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
