I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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