i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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