Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
