Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm too high and old for this...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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