my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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