everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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