it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
