So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
