you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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