Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize