I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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