i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
