Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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