Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
