my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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