Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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