where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
