I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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