...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
