who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
