I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
