i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
