Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
