So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
