There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
