hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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