Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
