Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
