Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
