We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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