i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
