Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
