We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
