Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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