He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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