He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
