wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
