I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
