He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
