I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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