i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
